Going Out of My Mind

Did you know...

that Sometimes you have to lose your mind to find your way.

I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been busy. Busy going out of my mind!

Not in a going crazy kind of way—in a very deliberate way.

The fear I wrote about in my previous post gave me an up close and personal experience of how my mind can hold me captive. Its secret weapons: stories and expectations!

It can concoct a story in a heartbeat. It can have an expectation without my even knowing it until it’s been violated! And it’s really good at making the stories believable and the expectations valid. How? By making them appear reasonable… logical… even factual. That is, in the world according to me!

When I’m in my stories and expectations, I’m not resourceful…I’m busy being right.

When I’m in my stories and expectations, I feel fear or anger or resentment or disappointment or whatever emotions they provoke…and I feel righteous. I deserve to feel this way…dammit!

When I’m in my stories and expectations, I’m not present to my experience in the moment…I’m somewhere else.

My magnificent mind is a double-edged sword. It has many purposes. Holding me captive is not one of them.

I’ve been busy freeing myself. I’ve been going out of my mind and into a space of greater awareness where the stories and expectations are revealed for what they are—nonsense!

What a relief!

P.S. Funny that we equate losing our minds or going out of our minds with going crazy. Seems to me, the mind IS the crazy-maker!

Fear, Uncertainty & Loss

Did you know...

that Fear is the absence of certainty coupled with the
assumption of loss.

This gem from Jon Benson has been on my mind... A LOT.

In spite of my intellectual knowing that certainty is a fool's game and uncertainty is a fact of life, fear grabbed hold and held me hostage recently. My undoing--the perceived loss of something I hold very dear.

What did I do? I fanned fear's flames. I snubbed it! But the knot in my gut and the angst in my heart were relentless. We all know that what we resist persists. It not only persists, it gets louder or bigger or stronger until we pay attention.

So I paid attention. But instead of dealing with the fear right then and there, I fanned it further!

I played the "what if" game. However instead of what if good, I indulged in what if bad. I fabricating one story after another about the potential outcome of this situation...not one ended with happily ever after!

Could this be happening? Surely, I should know better. A part of me did. It saw right through what I was doing. It watched with curiosity and waited...

as the part that fanned the flames of fear burned itself out. Then, the part that knew better went to work.

As much as I'd like to blame external factors for my fear, it was an inside job. It always is.

My experience has been painful and productive. I'll share some insights in my next few posts.

Wired to Lie

Did you know…

that “I cannot tell a lie” is a lie!

It’s Presidents Day in the US. The honorees: George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.

When George was a kid, he supposedly chopped down his mother’s favorite cherry tree and later confessed, when confronted, with the famous “I cannot tell a lie” line. Come to find out, a preacher turned bookseller concocted the tale after George died.

Next up: Lincoln…aka Honest Abe. Verifiable historical accounts attest to the fact that he came by his nickname honestly! I feel better.

Our obsession with the virtues of honesty, integrity and truth goes way back.

But…

Research by social psychologists shows that we lie often and as easily as we breathe or sweat! It comes with being human.*

The dilemma: we espouse honesty but we’re wired to lie!

I’ve done major re-wiring to empower my life with the current of truth. But if I said I tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth all the time, no matter what…I would be lying.

So, in honor of Washington’s legend and Lincoln’s legacy I am going to declare this Presidents Day a lie-free day. I will not tell a lie…to myself, or anyone else. No socially nice or socially expedient lies, no little white lies, no lies of convenience or lies of omission, no lies of exaggeration or distortion…nuttin’ but the Truth.

Care to join me?

*Dr. David Smith, philosophy professor, at the University of New England and author of Why We Lie: the Evolutionary Roots of Deception and the Unconscious Mind.

Your Heart is More than a Pump

Did you know…

that Your heart is more than just a little pump…much more!

A colleague asked me to do some heartstorming. The word threw me for a loop. I experienced a mental speedbump while searching to make sense of what she had just said.

Heartstorming? Searching, searching…that must be like brainstorming…kind of?? But using our hearts instead of our heads to generate ideas.

Got me to thinking…

The brain has all the status and clout. It reigns supreme among the human organs. Sits on top, literally! It is credited with being the center of human consciousness, the center of our intelligence, and the source of our power.

But what if it isn’t?

What if the real source of our power, intelligence and consciousness is in our hearts?

Our brain thinks; our heart knows. Our brain judges; our heart loves. Our brain divides; our heart connects. Our brain sees duality; our heart sees wholeness.

In honor of Valentine’s Day this week, let your heart take center stage…

• Give birth to a heartchild to play with your brainchild.
• Harness your heartpower to complement your brainpower.
• Try a little heartstorming instead of brainstorming.

Let me know how it goes.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Arguing with Reality

Did you know…

that When you argue with reality, you lose. Only always!

This potent observation of Byron Katie’s do-looped in my mind this week. Why?

Because I argued with reality. I resisted a situation that was happening. I thought it should be different. Should being the operative word—the first clue that I’d left the world of “what is” for the world according to me.

In the world according to me I indulged my ego, my judgments, my story making and my self-righteous indignation. Even though I knew better, it was seductively satisfying in a perverse kind of way.

But another part of me witnessed my crazy-making with amusement and short circuited my indulgence. I just couldn’t sustain it. I let go of the illusion of being right for the freedom and resourcefulness that comes with acknowledging what is.

In the computer world a do loop structure repeats a set of statements an indefinite number of times, until a condition is satisfied. It took me a few hours. But I finally got it. Katie’s voice stopped. And then came peace.

Maybe next time, I’ll get it more quickly.

Owning Your Shadow

Did you know…

that If you don’t own your shadow, your shadow will own you.

In the news this week: Ted Haggart—the exiled and now repentant minister from Colorado, and Rod Blagojevich—the feisty and now former governor of Illinois.

Two illuminating examples of what happens when we don’t own our dark sides…the parts of ourselves we repress, suppress, deny, disown and pretend don’t exist.

If you can’t relate to these men, don’t be fooled. You may not deem your shadow parts to be as deep, dark and ugly as theirs, but we all have shadow parts. They show up in a variety of ways, shapes and sizes. They’re part of the human condition.

The problem is: the longer and deeper we push these parts below the surface, the greater the damage when they finally erupt!

What are we to do? Shine the light on them. How? By owning them. By telling ourselves the truth about ourselves. By finding appropriate ways to give these parts expression.

It’s so tempting to judge and condemn Haggard and Blagojevich. But if I did, I would be missing an opportunity for self reflection.

I think these two men who have dedicated their lives to serving are only now beginning their real and greater acts of service…to be very public reminders that if we do not own our shadow, our shadow will own us! And we will self-destruct. I bless them for the reminder.

How about you?

Don’t Get it Perfect, Just Get it Going

Did you know…

that You don’t have to get it perfect, you just have to get it going!

I used to think I had to work out all the kinks before I shared something with the world. Result: My need to get it right put a choke-hold on lots of great ideas.

No more. I have grown more daring and less anal! When an idea comes, I take action. And improve upon it as I go. No more self-imposed prison of perfection.

Case in point: Did You Know…

I received Guidance in the wee hours of New Year’s Day to begin writing Did You Know…

I didn’t argue. I turned on my computer. I wrote. And I pushed the “send” key.

A lawyer friend wrote back. He encouraged me to keep writing… AND to use a permission-based subscription service to insure legal compliance with Internet anti-spam regulations!

Who knew? I didn’t. But now I do and I’m in the process of getting that service set up.

This means that if you want to continue to receive Did You Know… you will have to subscribe. It’s easy and it’s free, but you will have to take action when requested.

Sometime today or tomorrow you will receive an email with the subject: Confirm your subscription to didyouknow2009.

Just follow the instructions and you’ll continue to receive my musings. Of course, you can always unsubscribe any time you want as well.

Do you have an idea that’s locked up in your own prison of perfection? Set it free. Get going on it today. You can work out the kinks along the way!

Staying Calm in Crisis

Did you know…

that It’s possible to stay calm even in the midst of crisis.

This week a US Airways jet was ditched in the Hudson River in New York City after bird strikes knocked out both engines.

The plane landed and stayed afloat long enough for everyone to get out. Help came from every direction. Everyone survived. This was a first.

Capt. “Sully” is being hailed a hero and the incident a miracle.

As I watched the news I couldn’t help being struck by how symbolically loaded the incident was—the disabled plane (the American Dream), the river (water = emotions), the location (NYC – a global financial center) for starters. What can I say…I’m prone to looking for deeper meaning in these kinds of incidents. I can’t help myself.

My take on it: Capt. Sully showed us that it’s possible to keep ourselves above water—above the emotional turmoil of life—and stay clear and present and resourceful in the direst circumstances. (Does the current economic meltdown come to mind?)

I know he had years of experience under his belt. But I suspect it was his ability to remain cool under pressure and calm in the midst of crisis that saved the day…and everyone on board.

This pilot did far more than save a plane full of people this week. He showed the world what is possible. And to me that’s what makes him a hero and what he did a miracle!

Wanting to Want to

Did you know…

that it’s easy to confuse wanting to want to for wanting to.

Wanting to is commitment…being ready and willing to do whatever it takes.

Wanting to want to is pre-commitment…still wishing and hoping, but not yet ready to take action. Dr. David Gruder of Willingness Works calls this a “gleam”— seeing the light but not yet willing to feel the heat!

A gleam and a commitment are two separate and distinct stages in the change cycle. They feel energetically different.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to want to. It’s the stage right before real commitment. The problem arises when you confuse the two—thinking you want to when the real truth is you just want to want to! In your confusion you beat yourself up for not making the progress you thought you should.

Knowing this profound little distinction has saved me from a lot of self-abuse!

Scan your life. Are there any areas where you said you were going to do something, but you haven’t? If so, go easy on yourself. You’re just not ready…YET!

Figure out what’s getting in your way of being ready, or go do something else.

Underachieving vs Overexerting

Did you know…

that Underachieving is more productive than overexerting.

Robert Kiyosaki of Rich Dad, Poor Dad fame turned me on to this idea. The basic premise is: if you want to make a change, don’t try to do too much. Do less!

Although it’s counterintuitive and downright contrary to our cultural conditioning of Do More and Try Harder, it works…really, really well!

Instead of taking giant leaps, take baby steps.

I’m not a fan of resolutions, but if you’re being guided to make a change for your own good or well-being try this:

• Instead of resolving to exercise for an hour every day…take a 10 minute walk.
• Instead of resolving to change your entire diet…cut down on one unhealthy thing.
• Instead of resolving to quit smoking…smoke one less cigarette each day.
• Instead of resolving to meditate everyday for an hour …sit still for a minute.
• Instead of resolving to clear the clutter out of your whole house…clean out a drawer.

You get the idea. Make whatever you do ridiculously easy and doable. You’ll do it and feel great. You’ll find yourself naturally motivated to do more. Try it. You’ll see.

Robert also said, “Baby steps eventually allow us to climb massive mountains!”

Here’s to taking baby steps in 2009.

Bad times never last

Did you know…

that Bad times never last. Good times are always a decision.

Jon Benson wrote this and I think he’s on to something.

Today is a new year—the first day of 2009. More people than usual told me they couldn’t wait for 2008 to be over… as if everything could go from bad to good at the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve.

I love the opportunity this occasion gives us to reflect and start fresh for the future—to choose anew. But it only happens once a year.

The reality is we have an opportunity for a new beginning every day. Actually, every moment.

So as you ring in the New Year remember: you can turn the page and begin again any time you want.

Wishing you a 2009 filled with gobs of good things.